I guess I am just numb... You know that feeling when all is silent, and you dont know how to feel anymore.. I found myself staring at a wall the other day in my living room.. I dont know how much time passed, it was midnight thought... You know one of those nights where the lights are off but the tv is on in the background, no sound, and there you are left in silence... Drowning in your own thoughts... But not one thought is specific to anything of substance... In the movies, there are soundtracks for moments like this... but real life is silent... There is no song to sum up all of my feelings, and I dont think that I would want to listen to it if there were... "WHAT THE FUCK MAN" - pc walker... Truly the best way to put it... I sat there in the dark, tv blue in the background, and I asked God "What the fuck man??????" I am exhausted, and i guess i dont expect anyone to actually read this... It is that kind of tired that where you cant sleep... You just numb your self with thoughts of walls.. And thoughts of tears, that never seem to come, and when they do, they dont end... Confusion, anxiety, sleepless nights, hate, anger, pain, tears, all scrambled together = numb... I just want to be held,... I just want a hug from someone who i truly believe when they say it will be ok... She has surgery tommorrow... I just want to run away... And at the same time, i just want to stay and hold her... Sorry i am rambling... fuck Justin | 
